2014考研英语复习参考:名师帮你改作文(8)
We can see from the picture that a leopard, with his right hand bleeding, went into a clinic. Having received some treatment, he came out with his hand bound up, but his beautiful speckles have disappeared.
If the leopard could speak out his mind, he would surely express how anguished he felt for the loss of his speckles. There are three reasons why the loss happened to the leopard. Firstly, the doctor did not give the leopard a very careful examination before the treatment, which resulted from the lack of a sense of responsibility. These doctors have no enthusiasm for their job, nor patience or affection for their patients. Secondly, though currently there are many clinics, the number of the qualified doctors is very limited. Some clinics are run by those who do not have the required doctor's qualification, which poses potential danger for patients. Thirdly, some clinics impose on patients unnecessary treatment or examination sheerly for profit.
I maintain that effective measures should be taken to put an end to this phenomenon. Firstly, we need to advocate social responsibility and professional ethics in each field. Secondly, strict regulations should be enacted and enforced to create a harmonious and orderly society. Only through the combined efforts of government and society can we eliminate this "tumor" forcefully and completely.
Sahra点评:15分。文章结构清晰,语言没有太多错误,词汇和衔接句子运用的也很娴熟。只是语言略为朴实,社会哲理主题点的不够到位。要是能够再加点“料”,那就完美了。