2014考研英语复习参考:名师帮你改作文(6)
范文
This picture describes the(a) scene of a very typical family workshop which we might find in every neighborhood in China. A woman is busy making beancurd while her husband runs to her hilariously, saying that they have finally obtained the "sanitation license". However, we find(that) the condition of their workplace is quite disgusting, with flies circling and a hogpen nearby.
The sanitation problem of family workshops in the food industry has existed for a long time. It can be mainly attributed to two factors. The first and perhaps key(the most important) factor is the ignorance of sanitation. Many workshops are inherited family businesses, and thus the owners are used to following traditional craftwork that pays()no attention on sanitation. The other reason lies on some businessmen's(being) short of occupational disciplines. In order to save cost and make profit, they adopt the worst equipment in dirty conditions, regardless of consumer health. (fot)It has been proved that food produced in poor sanitary condition can greatly affect people's health and happiness.
For the sake of benefiting() people'(s health), our government has initiated aggressive programs to advocate the importance of sanitation. Illegal food workshops with unhealthy surrounding(conditions) should never connive, but should be severely punished and forcefully closed.
评:本篇文章结构清晰,行文也比较流畅,遣词造句得当。第一段阐述图片的内容,第二段对问题的原因进行了分析,第三段提及了解决方法,但是作者提出的解决方法不够具体,可操作性不强,须在这方面有所改进。