we can find three points from the picture:

　　the (The first)one is that(there are)1.1billion people smoke all over the world, which accounts for 20% of the total population (the whole number of our world is 5.8 billion).and the(The) second (point) is about the aftermath led by smoking: (there are)200 billion -dollars economic expense and 3 million lives  losing per year. then(Thirdly), the last point,( is that ) (去掉)the output of tobaco(tobacco)around the word decreased from 14.364 billion pounds in 1994 to 14.2 billion pounds in 1995.

　　in(In) my opinion, the decreasing trend in tobaco's(tobacco) production will be lasting in future(will last for long此处用将来正在进行时不合适，将来进行时的特点：表示在将来某一时间正在进行的动作。).and (The) reasons are listed as following(as follows):

　　firstly(Firstly), as the development of medicine and other sciences related, the study on relationship between tobacco(tobacco) and many serious diseases has become deeper and deeper, which showed (show前后时态要一致)to (去to // show sb sth = show sth to sb)the undoubted pertinence. (Secondly)secondly, health plays an(a)more and more imprtant (important) role in our life, and the health conscious (health-conscious 作为形容词用意思为：注意健康的关注健康的，health awareness 健康意识)has been improved in recent years. more and more people want to gain healty body by getting rid of smoking.(More and more people are trying to get rid of smoking in order to keep healthy)

　　then (then 去掉)  Last but not the least, the improvement of level of material life (life quality) supplies(enables) us with various way(access) to have fun or (as well as)reduce(reduces) the sress (stress)caused by work, life and study. smoking has not been the only choice. (Smoking is far from the only choice)
in (In)a word, what we pursue is (a) better life, so let us do our best to reduce the harmful behavior. 

　　Sara点评：注意英语单词用法和选择，避免中式英语，使句子更地道。注意标点符号的运用。

相关Tags:英语单词